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October 4, 2005
Today's Comic
What the Fuck Did I Just Watch?!

October 21, 2005

First off, I plug friends.

If you read Dragon Magazine in the late 80s or early 90s, you remember an amazing comic called Yamara. Yamara lives on thanks to the web... and the creators are wonderful people. Go discover, or rediscover, this comic.

If you're in the Tampa Bay area next weekend, don't forget to go to Necronomicon. The fine people from Interchangeable Parts will perform Rocky Horror Picture Show on Friday night - and on Sunday morning at 10am, they'll be doing a panel on shadow casting. Now, here's the best part. They'll have done ANOTHER show Saturday night and I'm sure they'll be wonderfully lucid. I'm going to ask my friend Dan (aka Mango) if he'd mind if I sent him art to hand out to readers/people as he sees fit (in other words, be a dick to him, you get nothing). If he says yes, I'll let you all know. Also, IP will have have their Halloween show on October 29th in St. Pete Beach.

Closer to Boston, the Teseracte Players will do a show on the 29th as well at 11pm at the Dedham Community Theatre that, I'm told, will be zombie themed. Go check it out... apparently, on cast that night will be Elize who was the inspiration for the now notorious "For You!" comic. She loves when people scream, "For you!" at her. Honest. And if she gives me permission, I'll even link to her website.

Also on the weekend of the 28th, Clarine Harp (the inspiration for Aubrey) will be a guest at Anime Vegas. I'm sending her artwork to hand out as well to readers who show up - totally at her discretion (here's a hint. If you ask her if you can have some art, you're not going to get any). Stop by and say hi.

Okay. Now that that's over - it's time for some rage.

At Anime Fest, some readers gave me a DVD for a movie called The Apple. It's a musical from 1980.

And it's proof that these were obviously readers who do not like me.

I've seen some shit in my day. I can recite to you the movie Avenging Disco Godfather. But this was just utter crap on every level, and barely worth making fun up. It's got some typical misogynistic overtones ("Oh, those women - always wandering off to evil and led so easily there - good thing we men are about to lead them back on the right path") and a female lead who is every date rapist's dream come true ("I've known you for five minutes. Here's a pill. Swallow it. I promise you'll be fine." "OKAY!") and, best of all, IT'S AN ALLEGORY FOR THE BOOK OF REVELATIONS! Yes, because we needed the end times to be turned into a shitty rock opera where all the cars are 1978 Buicks with Jetsons fins on them. Oh, and it all takes place in the futuristic world of 1994. Oh, and there are hippies. And, of course, hippies are the only ones who truly understand the true nature of all that is good and corporations are all evil.

I have endured some cinematic bowel movements in my time but I'd rather take a thermite enema while all my ex-girlfriends sit around me in a circle and ask me about my feelings than watch this putrid nonsense again. How the fuck did this thing get greenlighted? How in the Hell did someone read this awful script, where in the future record companies run the world and judge how popular a performer is by monitoring their audience's heart beats (no, I'm not joking) and say, "Yes, that will catch the attention of the movie viewing public"? There are less contrived plotlines in Winx Club slashfic written by sexually confused pre-teen girls. Someone owes me a fucking apology for this thing existing.

And I swear to Jesus, the next one of you die-hard Rocky Horror fans comes up to me at a con and starts bitching at me about how much you hate Shock Treatment and how it is "the worst movie ever," I'm going to force your anus to prolapse with a crowbar, drag you into a dark room by your hunk of rectal meats and make you WATCH this abortion.

So... fucking... angry this movie exists. Christ. There's no excuse for this shit. None at all. I hope everyone involved in its production got some strange and confusing STD during the making of it, like Kitten Hepatitis Z. God fucking damn.

If you'll excuse me, I need to go ejaculate some rage for an hour or two. -R

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