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The GMing Song
by Seanan McGuire (as inspired by the Story Arc, "PeeJee and Dragons")

Your characters are stupid --
Oh, wait, they're just like you!
You make these plans you think are grand,
But never think them through.
Kill the King, annoy the orcs,
Insult the druid's trees...
When you get disemboweled,
Don't you dare whine to me.

You think that it's inspired
To play the other sex;
You roll your dice but don't think twice
About what's coming next.
What part of 'consequences'
Can't burrow through your brain?
Well, after you've been slaughtered,
I'll just sing this refrain:

Rocks fall, everybody dies;
Death comes raining from the skies.
Whine whine whine, well, thank you all for sharing.
You say I'm not being fair --
Hey, wait, am I supposed to care?
Whine whine whine, look at me not caring!

Your motivation's lacking;
Your concept's uninspired.
Please go away, you shouldn't play
Once your brain's been retired.
Hack and slash and politics
Are bad things to combine.
You want to play things your way?
Well, tough, we're playing mine.

I want my players thinking.
I want your brain engaged.
You whine and cry then wonder why
I'm getting so enraged.
You're telling me I need you;
Well, moron, here's the thing.
The smart folks have umbrellas,
And all of us can sing:

Rocks fall, everybody dies;
Death comes raining from the skies.
Whine whine whine, well, thank you all for sharing.
You say I'm not being fair --
Hey, wait, am I supposed to care?
Whine whine whine, look at me not caring!

Yes, rocks fall, everybody dies,
I don't care how much you cry,
Whine whine whine, hey, moron, what's the matter?
Yes, I guess you'd better run --
Hey, I'm finally having fun!
Whine whine whine, watch the morons splatter!





I hope, someday, my DMing skills cause people to break into this song.
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