What the Fuck Did I Just Watch?!
October 21, 2005
First off, I plug friends.
If you read Dragon Magazine in the late 80s or early 90s, you remember
an amazing comic called Yamara. Yamara
lives on thanks to the web... and the creators are wonderful people.
Go discover, or rediscover, this comic.
If you're in the Tampa Bay area next weekend, don't forget to go to Necronomicon. The fine
people from Interchangeable Parts will
perform Rocky Horror Picture Show on Friday night - and on Sunday
morning at 10am, they'll be doing a panel on shadow casting. Now,
here's the best part. They'll have done ANOTHER show Saturday night and
I'm sure they'll be wonderfully lucid. I'm going to ask my friend Dan
(aka Mango) if he'd mind if I sent him art to hand out to readers/people
as he sees fit (in other words, be a dick to him, you get
nothing). If he says yes, I'll let you all know. Also, IP will have
have their Halloween show on October 29th
in St. Pete Beach.
Closer to Boston, the Teseracte
Players will do a show on the 29th as well at 11pm at the Dedham
Community Theatre that, I'm told, will be zombie themed. Go check it
out... apparently, on cast that night will be Elize who was the
inspiration for the now notorious "For You!"
comic. She loves when people scream, "For you!" at her. Honest. And
if she gives me permission, I'll even link to her website.
Also on the weekend of the 28th, Clarine Harp (the inspiration for
Aubrey) will be a guest at Anime
Vegas. I'm sending her artwork to hand out as well to readers who
show up - totally at her discretion (here's a hint. If you ask her if
you can have some art, you're not going to get any). Stop by and say
hi.
Okay. Now that that's over - it's time for some rage.
At Anime Fest, some readers gave me a DVD for a movie called The
Apple. It's a musical from 1980.
And it's proof that these were obviously readers who do not like me.
I've seen some shit in my day. I can recite to you the movie
Avenging Disco Godfather. But this was just utter crap on every
level, and barely worth making fun up. It's got some typical
misogynistic overtones ("Oh, those women - always wandering off to evil
and led so easily there - good thing we men are about to lead them back
on the right path") and a female lead who is every date rapist's dream
come true ("I've known you for five minutes. Here's a pill. Swallow
it. I promise you'll be fine." "OKAY!") and, best of all, IT'S AN
ALLEGORY FOR THE BOOK OF REVELATIONS! Yes, because we needed the end
times to be turned into a shitty rock opera where all the cars are 1978
Buicks with Jetsons fins on them. Oh, and it all takes place in the
futuristic world of 1994. Oh, and there are hippies. And, of course,
hippies are the only ones who truly understand the true nature of all
that is good and corporations are all evil.
I have endured some cinematic bowel movements in my time but I'd rather
take a thermite enema while all my ex-girlfriends sit around me in a
circle and ask me about my feelings than watch this putrid nonsense
again. How the fuck did this thing get greenlighted? How in the Hell
did someone read this awful script, where in the future record companies
run the world and judge how popular a performer is by monitoring their
audience's heart beats (no, I'm not joking) and say, "Yes, that will
catch the attention of the movie viewing public"? There are less contrived
plotlines in Winx Club slashfic written by sexually confused pre-teen
girls. Someone owes me a fucking apology for this thing existing.
And I swear to Jesus, the next one of you die-hard Rocky Horror fans
comes up to me at a con and starts bitching at me about how much you
hate Shock Treatment and how it is "the worst movie ever," I'm going to
force your anus to prolapse with a crowbar, drag you into a dark room by your
hunk of rectal meats and make you WATCH this abortion.
So... fucking... angry this movie exists. Christ. There's no
excuse for this shit. None at all. I hope everyone involved in its
production got some strange and confusing STD during the making of it,
like Kitten Hepatitis Z. God fucking damn.
If you'll excuse me, I need to go ejaculate some rage for an hour or
two. -R
